Last night I slept with a young married couple. Well, slept isn't exactly what I did, but I was in a large king sized bed with another man and his wife! Hee Hee... At a birth...
This mom was so wracked with fear of "What If", that she could barely function. EVERYTHING was a potential problem and I mean EVERYTHING!
I knew I was going to have to work hard with this one from the first time I met her. Picture a highly educated, well read, professional woman from Chicago, she wants the lo-down skinny about every little thing going on in her pregnancy, wants to know every lo-down skinny about you and your life as well, (seriously! It was quite funny, but that's another story). She has a very competitive nature and was really interested in the birth outcomes and stats of her Bradley Class peers. (Who had the quickest birth, who had the best support person, who was breastfeeding, who was a screamer and who was a silent birther, etc. etc.) I swear she'd read every single book published on pregnancy, natural childbirth, and breastfeeding. She had it ALL figured out and knew exactly what to expect and how she would deal with it. She had her Early Labor regimen planned; she and Darling Hubby would leisurely stroll with their two Golden Retrievers along the Spokane River, enjoying the late afternoon sun. They'd laugh and kiss and be filled with excitement for the arrival of their little girl. Afterwards, when they returned to their condo, they'd have a celebratory glass of champagne and snuggle onto the couch to watch old movies, still waiting patiently for labor to progress...
Uh Oh!
Now enter..."Curve Ball"...
That early labor stuff that she was so excited for, had planned so well for... Yeah, It never even showed up on the scene. SHE went from 0 - 60 in a blink of an eye and was absolutely bewildered! Her contractions were back to back and INTENSE immediately! And WOW, was she surprised. She had no idea what to do, no way of coping and had completely and utterly lost her resolve! Her poor husband called me in desperation, because he was unable to comfort her and just a little freaked out himself.
I was in a bit of a bind at the time he called - at another birth (actually in an ER room with a postpartum transport - but that's another story for another time) and had to get my head wrapped around what was happening. I made arrangements for the other midwife to come to the ER so I could leave and go to HER. When I arrived she was on the bedroom floor moaning, writhing, sweating. I immediately dropped my stuff, laid on the floor beside her and held her hands. As that particular contraction subsided, she was able to greet me and we got her to the bed as I wanted to "check" her and see where we were exactly.
Oh dear...a vag check revealed a cervix that was very posterior (I have really long fingers and I could barely reach it) and maybe only dilated to 2-3 cm. I went into the other room to gather my strength, pray and put my mind in a bit more of a zen state.
We labored all over... and I mean all over the condo. She was doing much better after I arrived. I think she was so scared of the intensity of her contractions and her fear and anxiety made them incredibly worse. We talked softly, we laughed about silly things, I petted her big Goldens, we compared notes of area restaurants, we talked about our extended families, and in between we rode those big, loud, crashing waves of contractions.
And then we slept. Or we tried to. She was getting sooooo tired. I did NOT want her getting to a point of exhaustion yet, as I could see we were in for a long night. So... we encouraged her to lie down and try to sleep in between birth surges. She DEMANDED that I get into the bed with her and her husband and we'd all sleep there together. I think you would have had to have been there to see the humor in it. This beautifully "together" woman, loosing her composure to the point that she can't even think of lying in her bed without her husband facing her and me on the other side. So... we all three crawled in. I peeled my socks off and snuggled in behind her, spooning. I could feel her body tense up with each contraction and the lack of relaxation in between them. We were NEVER going to get any where with this birth if she didn't just simmer down and accept this, and let it happen.
And then a beautiful thing...she began to respond to my whispered voice in her ear, to my gentle touch on her back, her hips, her head. She began to pattern her breathing after mine. If I made low moaning sounds, she would parrot them. So that's what I did! I whispered, I breathed, I stroked, I vocalized and she followed.
We did this for over 2 hrs. and ALL OF A SUDDEN she bolted up, flipped over to hands and knees and bellowed at me, "I can't fucking do this anymore! Give me something else to do!!" The transfer from hardworking, focused Labor-Woman to demon possessed, Anti-Woman was startling.
We get her to the bathtub as water birth was part of The Plan.
28 minutes later, SHE caught her own baby girl; a deliciously petite little thing with beautiful, soulful eyes.
SHE was introspective, focused, intent, determined.
SHE heard her body and let her baby gently stretch HER open.
SHE BELLOWED.
SHE pushed her baby out into HER own hands.
SHE brought her OWN baby out of the water and to her breast.
SHE wept and laughed joyously. (As did her Darling Hubby)
SHE is phenomenal!
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