New Every Morning

*CAUTION* Graphic language. Ugliness. Apathy. (You've been warned)

I don't even know where to begin except that I'm sick and tired of drama.  I'm pissed, like REALLY PISSED OFF that someone else's stupidity affects my life.

I'd like to tell him, straight to his face, just what I think of his stupid drunk ass!  I'd like to tell him of all the things he's done to me throughout my life, that happened when he was drunk.  I'd like to tell him to kiss my ass and that I never ever want  to see him again.  I'd like to do this and much much more!  But he gets a pass, every single time, because he "has a disease."

What a week!

So much has happened this week.  So much to digest, process, file and catalog in my head and heart.  Once again I've been blessed beyond reason and compare by being in the presence of such astounding women at MCU.  These gals are the best of the best, be they students, faculty, mentors, etc.  I am always refreshed, recharged and rejuvenated after being here.  I miss my sweet man and look forward to seeing him at week end, but I already lament leaving these fine lady friends of mine.

Lists...

I'm a list maker.  I have post-its everywhere; in my office, in my car, in my purse, on my dresser.  I have magnet styles on my fridge.  I've got lists in my iPhone. I have lists scrolled in eyeliner on my bathroom mirror.  I have the famous GROCERY LIST (and who doesn't) plus I have separate grocery lists that are just for COSTCO & PILGRIMS Health Foods. I have a TO-DO 2DAY list, I have a BOOK list and a MOVIE list.  I have a GOOGLE list (for all those questions that need answered and stuff I want to investigate further) and ...My current list (which I'm adding to)...   

 MCU CONF & PAK list...

PSGM

Syllabi

Laptop

$$$

Class Reg. info

Hotel Conf. #

Warm jammies

Slippers

Comfy shoes

Ghana basket

Herbal tea

Book and lite

...

...

A Hollow Ache

I held you tightly to my heart this morning while you slept in my arms. You wearing warm, snuggly footy jammies.  It was still dark outside; the sun hadn't arrived yet.  You snuggled into my neck and gave sweet little man snores.  I prayed for you, while you slept on my chest.  I cried, knowing how much I'll miss you.  I held you close and watched as your parents finished packing the car. When you woke, I watched you stretch and yawn and grin up at me.  My heart melts every time you do that.  I want to permanently etch that little smile in my memory.  

I could tell from your little furrowed brow and perplexed look that you didn't understand.  You looked up at me as I cried...I didn't want to let you out of my arms... I didn't want to quit smelling your sleepy head, your smelly morning baby breath.  I didn't want you to go.

I watched you drive away with your parents, in that tightly packed car, "FLORIDA OR BUST" scrolled on the back window. 

I wept.  

I miss you already, Cooper.

Community

I have been going to a naturopathic clinic lately, trying to get to the bottom of some health issues.  While there, both the ND's on staff were very excited to find out that I will be practicing midwifery soon.  Both ND's, on several occasions, have reminded me that they want my business cards and brochures in their office.

They WANT to refer preggy clients to me!!!

Some of their words... "We are so thrilled to have you as a part of our community."

A part of our community.

I love that.

Feelin' Good

It's a new day