Finito

I got "fired" by text message on Friday.  Well, I guess you can't really say fired, since I wasn't an employee.  No cash for services ever made an exchange.  But, I was definitely "let go" via a text message.

At first I was stunned, like shell shocked.  I read and re-read the message. "I've decided to have my daughter job-shadow, so You are relieved of your duties.  Enjoy the rest of your summer."

Michael Franti - "Nobody Right Nobody Wrong" Live at WTMD

The first time I ever heard of Michael Franti was at a MCU Conference a few years ago. An instructor, who has since become someone dear to my heart, showed a video of this man and this song. This song literally moved me to tears. It spoke to my soul. Ever had a song do that to you?

Mortality

The older folks in my life have suddenly become, well... older.  More frail. False parts. Forgetful. Some with what could be considered "quality of life" issues.  It makes me so sad.

My dad doesn't have any teeth left.  Not a one!  But, he does have a shiny, smiley set of pearly dentures.  He never had good teeth in the past; years of smoking will really do a number on dentition.  He never had a nice smile.  Smoking, coupled with a barroom brawl or two, (not to mention a psycho, combative ex-wife) and a couple teeth knocked out will also do a number on dentition.   He also can't breath very well.  I've seen him at time when his lips are literally blue!  He wheezes and huffs and puffs, all while pulling on his damn cigarette.  Wonder how long his shiny. smiley, pearly dentures will hold their pearly, smiley shine.  I wonder when his heart will just give out; or his lungs.  My sister bought him all the stuff to smoke the "e-smokes" but he won't use it.  It sits on his cupboard, glowing tip and all, while he lights up another coffin nail.  I'm afraid that I will get a phone call one of these days, saying Dad keeled over and died.  He's only 64 and I'm only 45.  I'm not ready to lose my dad.  I don't know what I'll do with myself if that happens.  I wish he'd quit the smokes.  If wishes were nickels, right?

Friend

I don't know her or she me other than we'd met at a dinner gathering and sat beside each other during a lecture.  She intrigued me.  I had heard snippets of her life, her journey from Africa - across The Pond to Utah and then to my neck of the woods in N. Idaho (what are the odds of that). Her dilemma of finding a midwifery practice where she can serve touched my heartstrings. I know two midwives who are so busy they can hardly find joy in their craft.  Surely there is a place there for this wise, brave and gentle, world traveling midwife. Surely there she could find a place to land and regroup.  I had hoped.  I was wrong, though I suppose not too surprised. I selfishly mourned though. I had hoped to get to know her better, to glean some of her wisdom, her knowledge, her sense of ...

And then...

She called me last night, just to talk.  Right off the start, she said she needed a friend to talk to and would I be that for her.  How bold!  Don't you think?  I've often wished I had the guts to do that.  There have been people I've met and I've wanted them to be my friend, but never really knew how to go about it. But here it was, the answer.  Just ask!  It seems so foreign to me.  I can't imagine calling anyone on the phone and just asking them to be my friend.  In fact, normally I'd shy away from anyone asking this of me.  Honestly, I don't know why I didn't do my usual "duck & run" routine and politely end our conversation last night.  I'm puzzled by my own behavior.

After we spoke for 30 - 45 minutes (and had a lovely conversation) she mentioned that its her African way to NOT call me back.  If I wanted to pursue a relationship with her, the ball is in my court.  AGAIN, how simple, how lovely!  I told her that I appreciated her telling me that sooooo very much.  I tend to get so easily sidetracked with my life, school, my midwifery future that my friends are the ones who have to do all the reaching out.  In fact, I told her that I was going to have to call a good & dear friend and apologize for just that!  She encouraged me to do it.   I will!

After we had ended our phone call, my husband looked at me, a bit puzzled.  He too knows that this isn't my nature, to just say I'll be someone's friend.  I'm normally very very cautious about who I "let in."   Hmmm... this is so strange to me.  

In the meantime, I'm happy that she called me and I'm definitely going to call her back.  Regardless of what comes after, I'm certain that she and I were meant to meet.   Seriously... from Africa to UT to ID, practically in my own back yard?  Oh Yes, we were definitely meant to meet.