Arduous

This birth was long, hard, drawn out, emotional, frustrating, agonizing, hopeful, and a whole bunch of other adjectives that my sleep deprived brain can't quite grasp. It was arduous.  We literally used every trick in the book to get this baby to come.  We tubbed, we squatted, we lunged, we sat on toilets, birth stools and birth balls.  We hula'd, we swayed, we walked. We did hands and knees, knees and chest and McRoberts.

The entire time, Mom stayed dilated at 9 cm!!  NINE cm. for many, many, many hours.  And as frustrating as all this, as heart wrenching as it is to watch a mama push for several hours and not bring her baby any closer to birth, it is absolutely NOTHING compared to watching her do it alone since her husband was 100% useless!

I've never yet seen a man who isn't able to comfort or assist or at least encourage his woman while she's birthing. Even if they are shy, or nervous or bumbling oafs, they usually get right in and do their best to help.  It may not always fit our mold of what we think a dad should do to support and help a mom who is birthing, but it usually is exactly what the mom needs at the time.  I've seen dads literally push when their woman was pushing.  One fellow pushed so hard, I was worried he'd blow out a testicle, poop his pants or at the least give himself a whopping case of hemorrhoids. Some dads are fearful for their women, worried that something may go wrong and wanting to alleviate their pain. But they are STILL supportive.

This bozo, this so called man, this impregnator of women, literally sat away from his wife and played video games on his cell phone, THE ENTIRE TIME!! When he wasn't playing, or facebooking, or instant messaging, he was sleeping on the couch in the other room.

After several hours of coaxing him into supportive positions, roles, etc. I gave up.  So did the other midwife.  Thank You Jesus we had a doula with us!!  This...guy, spent all his time screwing around on his phone and then bugging us about "when would this be over", or my personal favorite..."when can I call the photographer in" (because professional photographs posing you in proper places makes you look like a fab dad), etc. It was the strangest thing I've ever seen in my life!!

And here's the icing on the cake... After this mom has pushed for far too long and still hasn't advanced the baby any further, the senior midwife makes the call that we need to transport to the hospital for the delivery.  Explanations were made to the mother regarding where we were in progression of labor, her stamina, the baby's well-being, etc.  When we asked the Dad if he was on-board with us, he threw a 100% for real, temper tantrum.  Literally stomping around the birth center, throwing (like literally chucking/throwing, not tossing or haphazardly packing) their stuff into bags, flopping down on the couch to put on his shoes, and then has the audacity to say, "Well Shit!  This is not what we had planned. How much is this going to cost us now?"  He was staring daggers at all of us, the birth team.  I was seething!!!!  I've never wanted to give someone the ole' Frank Scott SmackDown so bad!!  I had to step outside the room just to breath because I could feel my anger welling up and I knew if I opened my mouth, Whoop Ass was coming out!!

He had no compassion for his wife, his baby, the exhausted birth team, nothing.  Just himself!  What an asshole!

When we got mom loaded into the car, off to the hospital we all went.  Not one of us on the birth team was willing to NOT be there. This poor woman needed all the encouragement, support and love she could get.  Once at the hospital, Dodo Dad found a spot in the room to stretch out and sleep.  He didn't even care! He just wanted it all over.

Several hours later, a baby girl was born.  She's beautiful, she's healthy and whole.  Mama is elated.

Another dollop of icing on this cake...Dad woke up in time to watch baby be born then quickly snuggled up with mom and baby for that prized photo, looking all the while like Super Dad.

Pardon me while I puke.