I don't think I'll ever forget Client #7 KC. She was the same age as my youngest daughter; only months apart. She and her husband were young, newlywed BYU students, living in an infanticimally small Student Housing apartment. I've literally been in small hotel rooms that were bigger and more spacious than their apt.
She was from Great Britian, he from UT. I loved her accent. I loved listening to her dry, sharp & funny wit. She was a hilarious girl, laughing every time I saw her. She tended to have a potty mouth! She tried so hard to live up to her husband's faith expectations (her faith as well, though she wasn't born and raised LDS) but when she'd come for prenatal appts without her man, you could get a glimpse of who she "used to be." She always wore the BEST, and I mean the best jewelry. Being a woman who loves the bling, I was always complimenting her "jewels" - Big gaudy earrings, flashy necklaces, rings on her fingers that were monstrous in size and just as gaudy. She totally ROCKED them!!
I took an instant liking to her!
They hadn't planned this baby. They were too focused on their studies, their life dreams, their educational goals. Life always seems to throw a curve ball when we have all our stuff planned out, doesn't it? But, both these young people took it in stride and got down to the business of becoming parents.
On her last prenatal appt. she was complaining of what felt like period cramps. They had been "pestering" her all night and even into the morning.
The midwife and I nodded knowingly at one another. MW checked her and discovered that our little primi-first-time mama was already dilated to 7 cm!!!
At the teeny weeny apt. she labored. It wasn't long after we arrived that the "period cramps" took a turn. She had no doubt that these were contractions, not cramps. She and her darling hubby labored in every closet-sized room of their apt. She walked, she squatted, she belly danced, she swayed, she moaned, she labored. The entire time, I held the space (ok, but with a few listening moments to get the baby's heart tones) That's what I love to do. Just guard the moment, hold the space and let the couple do their thing. They needed very little "coaching."
The part that sticks in my head and causes me to remember ALL the details of this birth is when she was actually pushing her baby out. Her hubby was so into it, he wanted to catch the baby and was right there, front and center, shoulder to shoulder with MW. SHE was squatting ON the couch seat! The couch was too softly stuffed for her to get leverage so she forcefully requested me to get behind her so she would push against me. So there I was, squatting behind this young mother, my arms and knees wrapped around her birthing body, literally enveloping her with my own body. After she would heave and push, she would rest her head back on my shoulder, her cheek to my cheek, her ear to my ear, the entire time my arms and thighs wrapping her in my own body. We must have looked like a two headed, eight limbed birthing femme.
It was in one of these rest periods, with her head on my shoulder, her breath in mine, that I realized what a tender and loving moment this was. I suddenly felt guilt for being in that position. This should be her husband holding her, loving her through this. I looked up to him, made eye contact and quietly asked if he would like to switch places with me. As he was negatively nodding his head, SHE fiercely grabbed my knees and hands and bellowed, "NO. Stay where you are!"
So, I sunk into it. I continued to squat behind this magnificent woman and felt every heave of her body as she proceeded to push her baby into the world. While doing this, while holding her, I fell in love. It was the strangest thing I've ever experienced. I was so completely suffused with a Mother's Love for this young woman, that I began to cry. In that moment, I couldn't have loved her any more than if I were holding my own daughter in the same way. When she finally pushed her little boy out of her body and her darling husband did in fact catch him, I couldn't have felt more pride. I literally kissed her cheeks and bawled! It was beautiful and magical and even re-telling it makes me weepy.
I've never experienced that feeling of sudden and overwhelming Mother Love again. I have lots of tender moments with clients but that particular rush was different.
I wonder what that was.
I wonder if I'll experience it again.
I hope.
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