Literally! I don't do it often, but from time to time I have a complete and utter meltdown that culminates into a screaming and kicking fit. Just like a two year old throwing a tantrum. Just like a hormonal, irrational teenager who can't understand why life is so unfair. And to be perfectly honest about it, that's is pretty much how I feel. "THIS IS SOOOO FREAKING UNFAIR!!!" Had I blogged yesterday, I would have forgone the euphemism and gone directly to the F-bomb!
I try not to ask for favors, or bug too much about my needs, wants, etc. But there are times when you really need a freakin' break, so you call in your chits. Having done that, you sorta expect a result or two, right? When that doesn't appear to happen, I have to ask, "Hello, You out there? Do you see what is happening? Could use a little help here!!" Still nothing. Just an utter silence that seems to have no end. I strain my ears to hear and my eyes to see, but there is nothing there.
After several months of NOTHING, no response, no signs and wonders, no verbal discourse, no still quiet voice, no gentle nudging, zilch, zip, nada, I lost my ever-loving mind. I have screamed things that cannot be taken back, and I'm not sure I would take them back if I could anyway! What I bellowed was TRUTH from where I stand. If I'm wrong, would someone PLEASE hurry the HELL up and enlighten me? I'll gladly drop to my knees and beg forgiveness, "You were right, I was wrong", grovel in supplication and mean every word of it. But nope, not even that. Just that stony, dense silence.
I'm left to aimlessly wander, muttering to myself, floundering about like a bobbing cork in the ocean, feeling the utter fool, quickly losing faith.
What the hell am I doing? Am I doing anything at all?
I love this, Kim. Love this.
ReplyDelete